Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
