There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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