Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
