I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
