Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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