Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
