I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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