if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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