I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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