Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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