His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
