You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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