Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
