suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how drunk are you?
Several
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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