Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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