Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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