Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
