I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it glows. i had to have it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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