I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're like the curious george of whores
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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