make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am one with the molecules
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
