Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Terrible idea I love it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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