when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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