I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Randomize
