Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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