don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
