There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
