So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
