I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
