i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
