What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
