Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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