i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
