I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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