I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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