fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
