I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
honey bunches of taint.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
