Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
