Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
