On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
