tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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