nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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