I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
