soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
