We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
