Soap is not a condiment
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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