Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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