My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How external is "for external use only"?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
