im gay
i know
yea but for you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
