i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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