My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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