In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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