oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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