We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
