god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Watching her eat just hurts me
whose ass print is on the piano?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
