i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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