Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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