You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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