I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Randomize
