if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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